One month ago, I had an idea pop into my head. My heart raced with a sense of adventure. Something unplanned. Un-budgeted.
I looked at the gas tank… I would have to fill up.
There was a forest fire that closed the best route out-of-town. I would have to drive nearly an extra hour.
At least I would get out of the smoke.
I thought about the amount in the bank. Thought through the bills due. Thought about my upcoming commitments and how a long drive would wear me out. I thought about the dog… the chickens. The pile of laundry. The counter overrun with dishes
I talked myself out of visiting my sister-in-law. My dearest friend since I was 10.
My crazy idea was to drive 4.5 hours to convince her to let me drag her full-term pregnant behind out into the desert evening to take maternity pictures.
A celebration of her miracle.
I thought about how my camera has been having focusing issues.
With defeat I drove home. Busied myself with housework and mommy duties to drown out the guilt I felt when I saw the baby blanket I ordered months ago.
No… I can’t.
It got quiet.
Instead, we chatted for a while on Facebook Messanger. She was struggling with so much. My heart broke for her and I felt so guilty for being so close… and yet so far away…
She had that baby 4 days later… She died 5 days after that.
It is SO important to follow though with what the Lord places on your heart to do. When I was driving down to Tucson in the pouring rain in the wee hours of the morning of July 2, 2016 to say my good-byes, the old hymn Where He Leads Me played though my memory. Tears flowed out of my eyes. My heart was crushed by the weight of my sin of not obeying what my Father asked of me. I vowed to listen closely to the Lord’s leading in my life from that moment forward. I promised to follow no matter how heavy a cross I would bear. I urge you to do the same. Live a life with no regrets.